“that ‘perfect moment’ won’t suddenly appear in my face”
For years I’ve been waiting for the perfect time to release my idea of ‘The Kasey O’. I was waiting until I thought I was good enough, perfect enough, and then I had a revelation… what “perfect, sparkling, shining, ah-ha” moment am I exactly waiting for again? How will I know it’s here? I realized that ‘perfect moment’ won’t suddenly appear in my face. I have to strive, study, learn, and work best I can to go where I believe I was meant to go.
For the longest time I was the one holding myself back. I grew up an insecure, awkward/shy girl, with lots of pimples on my face. I never thought I could EVER have a voice that people would want to listen to. I never wanted to be in front of a camera, and I never wanted to speak publicly, ever. I wanted to blend in, be like everyone else, and be almost invisible.
Senior year, I had dreams of going to VCU, and majoring in Education with minoring in Art to become an art teacher. I did an internship at a local public school to further assist my decision of this career path. During my final year of grade school, I met a guy, confessed after a little time that there was mutual interest, and we started dating. Everything was going great during the first couple months of the ‘honeymoon phase’ of dating. As time went on, it went from dating – to feeling trapped. He had troubles with his anger, and I would allow him to emotionally/verbally abuse and control me. However, since I was too weak minded to imagine my life without him, I discounted what I wanted… to do what he wanted. I applied to all the schools of his preference instead of my own, just to be near him when it came time to venture off to college. It turns out I never got accepted even though my grades and SAT scores surpassed all requirements. I don’t want to bash this dude, but I will be real and say it was one of the roughest seasons of my life. We both needed help.
I met God again, I left the guy after a year, and I felt like I was at square one with “why am I alive?”
VCU, my dream school, felt too out of reach. I tried hard to go to cosmetology school since I also loved helping people feel beautiful, but never got approved. I was hired at a salon, and I soon found out it wasn’t the right fit for me. I needed something different, but what? That’s all the main talents I thought I had. I found myself working in restaurants, and hesitant to start school because I had no clue what to major in. I was pleading with God, and begging him to allow me to have purpose again despite my failure. I was feeling aimless, hopeless, defeated, and discouraged every waking moment. Then, my ‘but God’ moment was given to me.
I was currently helping out at my mom’s gym, and one day a guy came in wanting to do some video work for us. He told us he’s also a part of a local radio station, The Current FM. He invited my mom and I onto his talk show, and I had a ball sharing my heart, empowering and relating to others, and being real about life. I finally felt like I had purpose again. After the show, he spoke with us, and asked me to be a permanent host.
My jaw dropped to the ground, my eyes were about to pop out of their sockets, and shock ran through my veins. “What? Me? Oh my goodness, I would love that!” I exclaimed.
That’s where the love for speaking grew.
About a year later, my radio manager decided it would be best for me to take a break from the show because I needed to focus on getting healing. I agreed. As time progressed, I revisited the show a few times, but I felt it was time to turn the page to continue to build myself and further my dreams. So, for the past four years I’ve been in what I call, “cave time.” A time of studying, growing, learning, working, and building. Really focusing on healing, focusing on lessons I’m continuing to learn, growing my creative skills, and focusing on the dreams God has given me. I’ve received some deep healing and conquered a lot of battles that seemed impossible… but I still thought I had to wait to be perfect before launching. I learned that first of all no one is flawless, and cookie-cutter perfection isn’t relatable or even achievable. It was causing me to procrastinate and condemn myself. Now I see the “perfect moment” has been here all along, waiting for me to get the guts to take that first step, that leap of faith to get started.
I am beyond humbled, excited, and anxious to share what I’ve been building for so long.
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